Lots on my mind; time to get it out...

This is a small piece of myself that I'm now willing to share. Handle with care; contents will break under pressure.

31 March 2011

41. The skin I'm in...

It's almost that time of year again.  The time of year when my eczema starts to go haywire.  Only problem is my skin hasn't quite stopped screwing with me since last summer... So I am currently dreading so type of topical armegaddon.  I've tried everything.  Creams, steroids, even the holistic approach.  Nothing really works.

These days I'm using Palmer's Cocoa Butter soap and Hot 6 Oil.  It isn't doing much, but it is better.

In my last post I named all the things that I'm paranoid about.  Well I forgot one.
I'm severely paranoid about people staring at my skin and my incessant scratching.
I think the small honeymoon period I experienced in '09 messed my head up.  My skin was great - my arms and legs were almost completely clear.  Then something happened and right after my birthday the next year that everything changed.  I was constantly itching, which means I was scratching constantly.  No matter how much lotion I put on the backs of my knees, crevices of my elbows, backs of my shoulders, and neck felt like sandpaper.  And don't even get me started on the physical scars.

My mom is constantly trying to convince me that no one notices.  But I find that hard to believe especially since I had to spend my entire childhood explaining to potential friends that I wasn't diseased or contagious.
Coupled with the fact that it's hard to explain why I'm constantly scratching like a crackhead

it's really embarrassing...

When people ask "If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"
You're supposed to say "Nothing.  I like myself exactly how I am." As not to seem insecure.

Well eff that! I'd take a magic wand and a superficial wish over the itchy dance any day...

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