Along with the move to my new place, there has come a lot of free time. Time to think (and talk) to myself about... myself. With these thoughts, I always get back to the same question, "How the hell did I end up here?"
The answer is simple. Our choices dictate the lives we lead, and I have made a lot of choices. Some good. Some not so good. Some bad. But these choices are what shape the person I have become.
And then I thought, if I could just go back...
But I can't.
Because life doesn't come with an eraser... shit. There comes a point when you have to will yourself to stop living in your past. Personally, I suck at that part. But what I'm getting better at is not living in the world of "What If" That is a bad place. It leads to regret due to lack of understanding. This is because the mind works like a pen, and even though it can't erase things, it can scratch through them and try to act like they're not really there. But they are there, and they usually have some affect on the things that come after.
One of these nights, I sat in my house. Alone. I made a list of everything I don't like about myself. On that list of about 20 things - around half were things that at this point I have no control over; they are the products of decisions I've made. When I realized that, I then realized that once you come to terms with the things that bother you the most only then can you work to rectify them. They may not necessarily be fixable but where there may not always be a solution, there is generally a resolution.
I'm about to tweet this post on Twitter because there are some folks that need to read this and get it through their heads. Maybe then they will realize to go forward and cut all that woulda, shoulda, coulda stuff out.
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